i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
