until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
