I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
