my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
