sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
