I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
