Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Duck Duck Cougar?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
