Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think im going to throw up on grandma
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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