I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize