remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
