Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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