when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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