Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize