the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
