Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
