phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
