So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
