haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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