I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
