This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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