Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
