wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
