Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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