The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize