sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
