I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
