my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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