Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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