I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
