i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize