First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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