dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
