I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
