WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize