You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
