She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
