I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
