One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
