Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize