I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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