i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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