I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
its liver damage thursday
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
