apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
