tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
