she was so not down for the gang bang
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
