Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize