summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
