I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
