my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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