Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
