"it" just moved
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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