I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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