I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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