I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
