im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So. Much. Porn.
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