now i know why i became what i already was.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
