no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize