remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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