friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm passing your future prison.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
