apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
