bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
