Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
