I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
