Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
