he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
