It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
