Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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