Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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