tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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