Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
