There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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