oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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