Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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