She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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