No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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