farters have to be the big spoon...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
