I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
