So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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