we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
