This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize