I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh god it's open bar.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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