Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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