i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize