Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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