we have pet lesbian snakes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
