I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My hand turned me down
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
