I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize