So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
