i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
