Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
