new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
