alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
