My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
