You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
