I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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